Drink This

Contrast tastes terrible. Flavor it berry, banana, vanilla, even Thanksgiving Dinner, and it tastes like, well, nothing like berry or banana or vanilla or anything remotely like food. It tastes so terrible, it makes one hate berry, banana and vanilla, whichcontrast is not fair because berry, banana, and vanilla are quite tasty as ice cream or pudding and don’t deserve such bilious wrath. It’s liquid chalk, aptly named contrast because it contrasts starkly with anything you want to put in your mouth and swallow.

Okay, the gallon of saline laxative you have to drink in preparation for a colonoscopy is worse, so I’m grateful that this is only a pint of berry chalk. I once had pineapple flavored prep liquid. Never, ever get pineapple. It tasted like floor cleaner mixed with a year-old Lifesaver found stuck in the bottom of someone’s gym bag. By the time I was done with the prep, i felt like I’d been stuck to the bottom of someone’s gym bag while they ran up and down an escalator in 105 degree heat. I couldn’t set foot in the gym for a week afterward because even a glimpse of a gym bag made me gag.

This contrast stuff tastes more like a smoothie of ingredients found in the janitor’s closet at my elementary school in 1978. I just managed to drink the stuff in ten minutes. And now I can’t eat or drink anything…nothing…until the CT scan is complete four hours from now! Mmmm.

On the plus side, the CT scan is supposed to identify what kind of mass I now have in my abdomen causing a great deal of pain. Is it scar tissue? Is it a seroma, which is a build up of fluid? Is it something worse? Scar tissue could have resulted post-op because I did too much too soon. The seroma could have come from doing too much or from just the surgery. We will see this afternoon.

And then I am going to eat something cheesy and tomatoey to get this awful taste out of my mouth.

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